Ever since Bill Clinton and Tony Blair came up with the genius solution to the Left’s electoral problems - by banging the word “new” in the title - politicians of all parties have fallen over themselves to be the first to prove that they are similarly ahead of the curve and the inheritors of all that is cool and hip with the kids.

According to James Delingpole of this parish, the Young Briton Foundation’s Donal Blaney is a “splendid, funny and ideologically sound” fellow. Far be it from me to criticise a writer from the same stable, but I find Mr Blaney’s habit of referring to the American President as “Barack Hussein Obama” or “the Kenyan-American” president slightly disconcerting in a young man apparently of the “new” Conservative Party. Yes, the leader of the free world’s black. We know. Now get over it, white boys.

Alexander Dumas wrote that every man has his price. Mine is probably enough for a new camper van, some replacement fishing tackle, and an occasional weekend off work. But the world-famous publicist to underwear models and generally aggrieved, Max Clifford, is an altogether wilier bird and now and even richer one.

I suppose, given that the only proper job David Cameron had before entering Parliament - apart from mucking out the family stable - was in marketing, it should not come as too much of a surprise to learn that the top priority for the new Conservative leader was to “de-contaminate” the Tory brand. God knows, it needed it after the Poll Tax, Black Wednesday, Cash for Questions, Neil Hamilton, Jeffrey Archer, Jonathan Aitken, William Hague (and the baseball cap), IDS (before he discovered socialism), the dark night of Michael Howard and Cameron’s own brilliant wheeze to assist the 2005 election defeat, namely, charging NHS patients half the cost of hospital operations.

There can’t have been a lot going on at the Mail on Sunday this week if all they could find to splash on was “Mrs Cameron might have voted Labour”. I can’t get overly excited about the lovely Sam’s past voting preferences - but I was intrigued to read that she may consider backing Gordon Brown in the coming poll rather than the bloke she married.

It’s not often I agree with Daniel Hannan, but his tribute to Michael Foot was gracious and much appreciated. At a time when so much in politics is all about image, soundbites, and spin-doctors, and when the prerequisite for being a successful political leader is how good one looks on the telly, then it’s a fair bet to say we are not going to see the likes of Parliamentary giants like Michael Foot again.

Well we all knew it was bollocks but now it’s official bollocks - this week, Tory benefactor Lord Ashcroft finally admitted he’s non-domiciled (or a “non-dom”) for tax purposes, and in so doing has made monkeys out of all those senior Tories who have previously been wheeled out to speak out on his behalf.

It’s often lost amidst the tittle-tattle of journalists and bloggers desperate to fill a 24-hour hour news schedule that just occasionally Members of Parliament actually come up with the goods in the jobs they are elected to do. Last week the Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee, chaired by Tory MP John Whittingdale, produced its long-awaited report on “Press standards, privacy and libel” which has produced a weighty response to current concerns such as those raised by the Campaign for Libel Reform and the ongoing scandal of “who knew what, when?” over the News of the World phone-tapping allegations.

It is now clear that there are some Tories who are secretly hoping Brown pulls it off, such is their hatred of Dave and their belief that Osborne and Co. are hopeless lightweights. My Tory snouts tell me that the Sunday Times poll produced some secret punching of the air, even in Brighton where the Tory “not so faithful” are gathering to (sort of) prepare for power.

For a party that likes to think it is just a heartbeat away from power, the Tories, with their inept intervention into the fast unravelling “Bullygate” non-scandal, are in danger of causing cardiac arrest among their most loyal and optimistic supporters.